Confessions: Priest (Confessions Series Book 3) Read online

  Robbie looked up at the face he’d once despised, then lusted for, and, just recently, fallen head over heels for, and said, “Here I am.”

  The silence that followed the fading echo of his voice felt louder and more impactful than the words that had preceded them, and when it was clear Robbie wasn’t about to say anything else, Priest spoke instead.

  “Robert, we need to—”

  “Talk? I know,” Robbie said, and watched as Priest ran his eyes down the length of his legs.

  “I thought the idea of a bath was to get undressed and relax?”

  Robbie looked at his jean-covered legs, and then raised his eyes back to Priest.

  “I didn’t come in here to relax.” When Priest went to respond, Robbie held his hand up. “I came in here to try and find out your secrets. But don’t worry—your aquatic friends are just as good at keeping them as Julien is.”

  “Robert.”

  At the sound of his name in that rich tone, Robbie blinked once, and an unexpected tear rolled down his cheek. He quickly reached up and swiped it away.

  “Princess, I—”

  Robbie turned back to the fish who wouldn’t judge him or think him stupid for overreacting and being too emotional. But now that one tear had escaped, it was difficult to keep the rest at bay, as the full impact of the afternoon hit him.

  A rustling sound met Robbie’s ears, and when he turned to see what it was, the sight of Priest on his knees beside the tub had Robbie sucking in a shocked breath.

  “Robert. I shouldn’t have kept this from you,” Priest said, and then rubbed a hand over his weary face.

  Robbie swallowed around the lump in his throat, stunned by the vulnerability he saw in Priest’s eyes, but realized he needed more than that. Finding out how little he knew about this man—one of the men he’d given his heart to—had hurt more than he could have ever imagined, and Robbie needed to understand why. Why did it hurt so damn much?

  “Then why did you?” Robbie asked, his voice sounding scratchy and odd after not speaking for some time. “I thought I meant more to you than just some—”

  “Don’t finish that sentence,” Priest said, and put a finger under Robbie’s chin. “Don’t let my misjudgment distort what you know to be true, and that’s Julien’s and my feelings for you.”

  Robbie wanted nothing more than to tell Priest he believed him. But he couldn’t, because he felt as though he didn’t know anything anymore, and that made him…sad.

  “You need to eat,” Robbie said instead, and the shock at his change of course was evident in Priest’s eyes. “You didn’t get to eat today except a couple of cheese sticks. So you should go and eat. I know Jules has something waiting for you. I can smell it.”

  Priest’s eyes roamed over Robbie’s face. “Have you eaten?”

  “No.”

  “Then you should—”

  “I need some time,” Robbie interrupted, more serious than he’d ever been in his life. “I need some time to wrap my head around this. To stop being pissed off that you didn’t tell me sooner, because I know that’s not the right response here, even though it’s what I feel. So, can I have that? Can I have some time to think?”

  “Yes.” Priest nodded and got to his feet. “Of course. Take all the time you need. Is there anything you want to ask me before I go?”

  To stay, Robbie wanted to say. But instead, he looked up at the man towering over him and asked the one thing that had been on his mind since everything had blown up in his face: “Is your name really Joel?”

  “Yes,” Priest said. “My birth name is Joel Alexander Donovan. It was legally changed when I was eighteen.”

  Wow…okay. It was crazy how much a name shaped the way you saw someone, because while Joel certainly suited the stoic man who was now walking out of the bathroom, Robbie knew he’d never see him as anyone other than his Priest.

  Chapter Two

  CONFESSION

  A man will think of the most heinous things

  if it’s to protect the ones he loves.

  I know I have.

  “HOW DID THAT go?” Julien’s voice found Priest as he exited their bedroom, now wearing his grey sweats and a black t-shirt.

  “It didn’t. You were right. He wants some time alone,” Priest said, as he came to a standstill opposite the kitchen island, where he watched his husband plate their dinner.

  “I know that’s hard for you. But he’ll come around.” After Julien was done, he slung the dishtowel over his shoulder and slid two of the plates onto the counter. “Pilaf rice and Sole Meunière.”

  “It looks delicious,” Priest said, as he sat down on one of the barstools. “Thank you.”

  “Je t’en prie.” Julien quickly covered up the third meal for Robbie, before he came around to take the stool beside Priest. “Want to tell me what happened with Henri? It’ll help pass the time.”

  Priest picked up his knife and fork and cut into the soft, flaky fish. “Not a whole lot. He doesn’t know who leaked the information about Jimmy. He even had the gall to ask if it was me.”

  Julien’s hand halted midway to reaching for the bottle of Riesling sitting on the counter. “He did what? Henri should know better than that.”

  “Henri is remembering the man he once knew. Not the one that you know now.” Priest lowered his utensils to the plate and frowned. “Plus, I did think about it.”

  Julien put his hand over Priest’s arm where it rested on the counter. “Of course it crossed your mind. Jimmy is a monster, from everything you’ve told me. It’s only natural you would’ve thought about a life without him in it.”

  “According to Henri, he doesn’t think it’ll take long before someone else shares that sentiment.”

  “And how does that make you feel?”

  “Honestly?” Priest said, and then angled his head in Julien’s direction. “Hopeful. Which makes me no better than Jimmy. But I can’t help it. It was different when he was locked away with no sign of release. I could forget he existed. But this changes everything. The idea that he could walk free? That’s terrifying, and it’s enough to make a man think of the most heinous things if it’s to protect the ones he loves. Even if that has him hoping for one’s death.”

  Julien slipped off his seat, and when Priest turned in his direction, he stepped between his legs.

  “Joel, mon amour,” Julien said. “You’ve done everything to protect your location. To protect us. You’ve changed your name. You cut all ties. You erased that life years ago. It doesn’t exist anymore.”

  “I know. But I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t even believe it’s happening in the first place. And right when things with Robert were—”

  “Stop worrying about Robbie.” Julien looked at the untouched plate in front of Priest. “Eat, so I can pour you something stronger than this wine. You could do with it.”

  Priest raised the fork to his mouth and did as he was told, because he really did want the drink Julien was about to get him, and the food in front of him smelled divine.

  “Robbie’s had a lot to deal with over the past couple of weeks,” Julien said, as he reached into one of the kitchen cabinets and grabbed a bottle of Jameson. “And now this? It’s a lot. I get it. Trying to wrap your head around Jimmy being connected to you in any way—let alone as your father—is unimaginable. I know how he feels.”

  “What? Annoyed? Pissed off at me?” Priest said.

  Julien took the lid off the whiskey and then poured some into a tumbler. “Maybe a little. He’s at that place in a new relationship where you get past the exhilarating feelings of being with a person, and try to decide if you want to stay once you find out all their secrets. You’ve been there, I’ve been there too.” Julien pushed the tumbler over to Priest. “He’s questioning everything right now—you, me, us—and we have to let him.”

  “I don’t have to like it,” Priest said, and let out a frustrated sigh. “He seems so…distant.”

  “I know. But at least he came home an
d stayed here with us,” Julien said. “He could’ve asked to be dropped at a friend’s house.”

  That was true. Robbie had stayed when most people would’ve run in the opposite direction.

  “Let me take him something to eat. He’s got to be hungry,” Julien said, as he picked up the third plate. “You, mon amour, alternate. Food then drink. Ok?”

  AFTER PRIEST LEFT the en suite, Robbie had moved from the bathroom to the bedroom and stripped down for the night. He’d pulled on his pajama shorts and climbed beneath the covers with his phone, and then sat there looking at the blank screen for what felt like hours.

  He could hear Julien’s and Priest’s muffled voices in the other room, and where that once would’ve enticed him to go out and join them, tonight he was content to know they were there while he worked through whatever it was he was feeling, and that was a whole lot of unknown territory.

  Joel Alexander Donovan.

  Joel Alexander Donovan.

  It didn’t matter how many times Robbie said it out loud—or in his head—that name did not fit the face of the man he knew.

  No. He’d put his trust in a Priest…or so he’d thought.

  Robbie opened up the Internet and stared at the search bar so hard that his head started to hurt. It would be so easy to type in that name now that he had it. To type in Joel Alexander Donovan, a name he knew would bring up thousands of results, and read all about Priest. But something was holding him back.

  It somehow felt like an invasion of privacy to go online and read about the tragic life of the man who sat just outside the bedroom Robbie shared with him and his husband. It felt wrong to read the news stories or watch clips of the TV documentaries based on the heartbreaking details of Priest’s childhood. And no matter how curious or how confused Robbie was about everything he had learned tonight, he refused to scour the Internet in search of salacious, gossipy details, when what he knew he needed to do was talk to the man himself and find out the truth—Priest’s truth.

  A light knock on the door caught Robbie’s attention, and when he glanced over, Julien poked his head inside.

  “I thought you might be hungry, princesse.”

  God, it was going to be impossible to stay away from these two and think things over when they were all in the same house. Each man called to Robbie on too many levels to ignore, and being this close but not actually being, well, close was killing him already, and it had only been a couple of hours. “I—”

  “Would love to eat this délicieux meal I cooked up for you? Oui, I know,” Julien said. He pushed the door open a little farther and walked inside carrying a tray with a plate and a glass of wine on it.

  “Are you seriously bringing me dinner in bed right now?”

  “I am.”

  “That’s not fair,” Robbie said, and put his phone down on the duvet. “How am I supposed to want time to think and be alone when you’re being so—”

  “Charming?” Julien suggested as he lowered the tray down over Robbie’s lap. “You aren’t. It’s all part of my devious plan.”

  Robbie looked at the meal in front of him and inhaled—it smelled heavenly.

  “I know you want some time to yourself,” Julien said. “And I’m not here to change your mind, just feed you.”

  “I am a little hungry.”

  “Bien. Eat up, then.”

  As Julien went to leave the room, Robbie called his name, and when he stopped, Robbie’s heart beat overtime.

  There was something he wanted to ask. Something that had been on his mind; he’d kept pushing it farther and farther back, not wanting to acknowledge it. But he knew he needed to, or it would drive him mad.

  “Oui?”

  “Are you,” Robbie started, and then stopped, licking his suddenly dry lips. “Should I be…scared about Jimmy’s release?”

  Julien walked back to the bed and sat beside Robbie. He took Robbie’s hand in his and laced their fingers together.

  “I don’t want to lie to you—”

  “Then don’t,” Robbie said. “I’m not a child, and I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me tonight. I’m trying to find my footing here, but this is…this is—”

  “Heavy. I know.” Julien took a breath and then slowly let it out. “I’m not scared, non. Priest is the smartest man I have ever met, and he’s done everything to keep us safe. I trust him with my life. There’s so much he needs to tell you if, and when, you’re ready, princesse. But only you can decide when that is. You have to decide if you trust what you’re feeling, and if you trust what Priest has told you up until now.”

  Robbie pictured Priest when he’d told him back in L.A. that somewhere along the line he’d lost his mind over him, and nodded. “It’s not if, it’s when. I just have so many things running through my head right now that I don’t know what I’m thinking. My emotions are all over the place.”

  “I know, and these feelings you’re having? They’re the most important you can have for another person. Faith, trust…love? You’re right to protect them. You’re right to keep them close and think about them.”

  “I might be thinking about them, but I’m not going anywhere,” Robbie said. “You know that. Right, Jules? He knows that?”

  “I do,” Julien said, and brought Robbie’s hand up to press a hard kiss to the back of it. “And so does he. Otherwise he wouldn’t have told you what he did. Keep in mind the huge amount of trust Priest placed in you this afternoon by telling you what he did. If he didn’t believe you were in this as deeply as we both are, that wouldn’t have happened. He put his life, his real identity, in your hands. There are only a handful of people who know that information.”

  Robbie’s breath caught at the enormity of what Julien was saying, and when Julien stood, Robbie was close to begging him not to go.

  “Eat up, mon cher petit. We’ll be right out here if you need us.”

  As Julien left the room, Robbie realized how monumental it was that Priest had shared this part of himself with him. It still didn’t erase, however, the hurt from finding out the way he had.

  Robbie had been telling the truth when he’d said he wasn’t going anywhere. He just needed a night or two to work out how to navigate this new road his life had decided to take him down.

  Chapter Three

  CONFESSION

  I’ve never had a reason to put my trust in others before.

  But now? Now, I have to.

  SOME TIME LATER, after Julien and Priest had finished their dinner and cleaned up, Priest grabbed the bottle of Jameson and the two of them headed over to the couch that faced their bedroom door, which, for now, was firmly shut.

  Priest didn’t say anything as he put the bottle and glass on the side table and took up his usual spot. But when he placed his arm along the back of the cushions, Julien automatically moved in to rest up against his side.

  They sat there like that for a little while, each of them embracing the moment of silence and the comfort it brought. It was that moment when the rest of the world faded away and all of your troubles vanished for the few precious seconds you were with the right person at the right time.

  “Is he still very angry?” Priest finally asked, and then reached for the glass on the side table.

  “Non. I don’t think angry is the right word. He’s confused and upset. But I have no doubt he’ll find his way through it and back to us.”

  “No doubt, huh?” Priest took a sip of the smooth alcohol, and Julien tipped his head up to meet his eyes.

  “No doubt,” Julien said, as he placed his palm on Priest’s chest. “He told me so himself. It isn’t a matter of if but a matter of when. So now we wait.”

  “I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted out. I wouldn’t blame you either. This isn’t what you signed up for.”

  Julien shifted so he was sitting up and looking Priest directly in the eye. He then reached for Priest’s glass and swallowed what was left of the whiskey.

  “I signed up for you. Just like you signed
up for me. No matter what, remember? Jimmy is nothing new to me. You told me about him years ago.”

  “Yes, but the fucker has always had walls and iron bars separating him from us.” Priest knew his tone was biting, but he couldn’t seem to rein it in. “I don’t like this. I don’t like any scenario that puts him back out in a world where you are. Where Robert is.”

  Julien grimaced as Priest reached for the bottle and again filled his glass. “What about where you are?”

  “That too. He’s bad news. And I don’t mean that in some overdramatic way. He’s evil. The things he’s done… You know. Everyone does. Why would they ever let him out?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe because he’s old?” Julien suggested. “Maybe they don’t see him as the threat he once was. I don’t know. Why do you think they’re letting him out?”

  “I have no fucking clue. Probably a bit of what you said, and they’re using him to get information on whoever took his place, if he lasts that long. If there’s a God, he won’t.”

  “Hey?” Julien said, and wrapped his fingers around Priest’s wrist, lowering the glass from his lips. “He’s not going anywhere tonight, and we’re all here safe and sound. So why don’t we try and get some rest and then you can work on finding out more tomorrow.”

  Priest put the glass down, and pulled Julien against his body so they could both settle in on the couch.

  “Did you want to go to our bedroom? I won’t mind,” Priest said, knowing the main person Robbie was objecting to tonight was him, but Julien shook his head.

  “Non. He needs time away from the both of us.”

  Julien was likely right, and that made Priest feel even guiltier. He’d not only caused a chasm to form between himself and Robbie, but he’d also managed to wedge a gap between two of the most beautiful men he’d ever met.

  “Do you mind if we stay out here, then, instead of using the spare room?” Priest stretched his legs out to fit Julien between them. “I’d like to keep my eye on the bedroom.”